Archive for January, 2011

Welcome Houston Dynamo

January 28, 2011 Leave a comment

To what, I dont know.

As the MLS have just released today, and anyone with an ear for soccer (basically noone associated with this blog) have heard that the Houston Dynamo are now in the Eastern Conference

Now to refer back to my “To what” comment.  This isn’t news, at least for anyone who truely realizes the errors of American sports concepts with poorly run leagues.  Conferences are set up, normally, to create a diversity and depth to the playoff pictures in other leagues.  4 to 6 teams from each conference enter the playoffs, and play their own people in the playoffs, and come to the inevitable conclusion of “The best of each side” in the final.  Well, that’s not what the MLS does.  To avoid seeming too foreign, they created a 2 conference league, have everyone play eachother the same amount of times, and ultimately give the top 8 teams a playoff picture.  As of now, since they may change this…who knows… the top 2 from each conference are guaranteed in the playoffs.  Ok, much like any other league.  Then there are 4 wild card spots.  How are these spots decided?  Best record overall in the entire league.  Not split by conferences.

As we know, last year’s “Eastern championship” was won by a western team.  If there’s any dumbing down of a sport standings to americanize something, it makes it pretty damn hard to explain why that happened. 

So my welcome to the Houston Dynamo, basically means nothing.  It’s just to say “Hello, you are now considered East in the United States.  Nothing has changed for you.  Move along.”

I would have hoped my most recent post would be one of some substance, but instead, nothing new has been released or changed, or even in sight.

On another note, they actually released the contract with the changes to roster rules and explained them in a little more detail with the re-entry draft process and the home grown player acts… These, in other words, are nothing new.  The one thing that is new is that Canadian teams are require to have at least 3 Canucks involved, and that American players are considered domestic.

Can the next big announcement just be the regular season schedule… I’m getting tired of waiting.


The Off-Season, Training Camp Edition

January 26, 2011 Leave a comment

Well, now.  I figured we’d have a different starting keeper, but I didn’t think that ALL of the keepers on the squad would be new.  Enter the Dragon (Faryd Mondragon) and Zack Mac (and we already have Jack Mac, just need Little Mac from Mike Tyson’s Punchout to complete the set) and hopefully many clean sheets are in our future.  The other great news is that Roger Torres is in training camp.  I understand the big offseason moves involved the defense, but Union will need a stronger offense because I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect Sebastien Le Toux to score 14 goals and get 11 assists again.  The shape of the midfield is going to be critical to offensive success of this team, maybe even moreso than the cohesion of the back line.

What we know is that Justin Mapp will be on the left wing, to start.  I know he switches sides to change things up, but he’s the left wing.  The other three spots, I’m not sure.  Brian Carroll will be in the starting central midfield, but who joins him?  Stefani Miglioranzi is a solid, unspectacular player, who understands his defensive responsibilities and makes few mistakes.  Blah.  Amobi Okugo is a dynamite defensive stalwart who lacks experience and refinement, but makes up for it with ability.  Roger Torres is the raw, creative attacker.  We’ll likely see all of them in some combination as we progress through the season, but my vote is for Roger to start.  Right wing?  I’m not really sure that we have one on the team.  The team seems to like Andrew Jacobson and Nick Zimmerman, but would Kyle Nakazawa be the best choice?  He strikes the ball primarily with his right and serves great crosses.  With Seba covering half of Chester, and Sheannon Williams using speed on loan from jet engines, Nakazawa’s relative lack of pace wouldn’t seem to hurt them.  He gets my vote there.  Then again, that’s what training camp and Peter Nowak are for.

The striker depth chart hasn’t changed.  It’s still Danny Mwanga and Le Toux, with McInerney in reserve.  The speculation still exists that Union have targeted yet another Colombian (unfortunately it’s not Shakira) to add here.  Jorge Perlaza has been mentioned in rumors to be brought in.  That would change my midfield predictions, should that occur, as Le Toux would move back to right wing (then covering 2/3 of Chester) and Perlaza would join Mwanga.

In summation, here’s what we know:  There will be 11 players in the lineup for games, our keeper was not on Union last year, and Seba is the man.  There is much more to fill in the blanks.  The good thing about this is that it’s a product of having competition at all positions.  More will come as it develops.

Nick-the other .5 of Unholy Union

Another post to prove we’re alive

January 21, 2011 Leave a comment

A lot has happened in the past 2 weeks that we haven’t talked about.  The MLS Superdraft, the Supplemental draft, the Accidental draft, and various other rumors, talks, signatures, and visas.  We can’t really put into many words what hasn’t been said already elsewhere about the Union’s draft choices (to the future and beyond!), our pickup of Mondragon and Valdes (…fix the PA system though, that bar is small but we couldn’t hear shit) and rumors about other players yet to be determined.  The only words I can come up with are “Pure joy”.  We’re 2 months away from the start of the season, and I want it to be here so badly.  Every other day it seems the Union are making an announcement about a player or progression into the season, and it’s just taunting.

Aside from all of this, we must take a step back to look at players past after our first season.  David Myrie?  Well he’s apparently on the Cost Rican National Team playing for the Gold Cup.  Who know?

And, for your entertainment and joy.. some footy(ball…..)

In Defense of the Bimbo – A counterpoint

January 13, 2011 Leave a comment

Guest commentator John H.

Hello there, allow me to introduce myself to all five of this fine blogs readers, I’m John, and yes you can call me John. My soccer experience is limited to the two years of soccer I played when I was 7-8 and the many hours I put into FIFA trying to make Liverpool worth a damn. However as any true Philadelphia fan I am loyal to the union, and feel that the criticism of the new union kit sponsor, Bimbo is a bit harsh.

The main issue being presented by Dan, among others on facebook, , well the name of the company is BIMBO, which in many people’s eyes represents a dumb, sexually charged blonde, and more ammo for the opposing supporters to attack us with. To which I say, after a 31 point performance and finishing next to last in the eastern conference I think how the team plays on the field is more than enough ammo.

But in the union defense, how could you turn a deal like this down, first off, Bimbo is, as Dan pointed out below, a semi local company that owns such local legends as Stroehmann’s and who knows maybe tastykake in the coming months. Also this isn’t Bimbo’s first time around the sponsorship circle, as they have their name across the chest of Mexico’s two top teams America and Chivas, the real Chivas not the fake one in LA. However the most important part of any business is money and Bimbo is bringing a boat load, to the tune of 3 million dollars a year. That’s more than the entire union payroll for the 2010 season. I don’t need to use my BS in business (Dan interjection – Trust me, he doesn’t) to tell you that getting a sponsor to basically cover your payroll is a very, very good thing. It could be worse, the Union could be shelling out for herbal supplements like the LA donovans.

So while some of you are happy that you decided to get a sponsor free jersey, yes I’m talking about you Dan, I for one welcome our new bimbo overlords, and look forward to rocking it ironically at the dark horse while being a force in quizzo on Mondays.

-John H is a contributor to the many drink binges Dan has been on.

Bimbo – not just a dimwitted girl anymore

January 11, 2011 1 comment


Updated edit: As i am one usually against revising things that are posted, I dont care, so i put disclaimers.  Original post purely in tact, but this above is added in.  As it’s sinking in, I’m proud that we have a Kit sponsor.  I’m not entirely happy on the choice, nor the way the jersey looks, but it’s slowly sinking in.  Right now it’s not so much the rage as to when I wrote it, it’s now more of a cynical feeling, and slight pride within it with all the clever remarks we can create.  I’m still not entirely happy with the choice, but we have it and we’ll have to deal with it.  Too bad for all the other teams when they get beat by a buch of bimbos…..

Original post:

Bimbo… Beem-bo…



Let me please take this time to issue a WARNING: EXPLICIT LANGUAGE NOT SAFE FOR CHILDREN’S EYES




Bimbo?  Fucking Bimbo?  What the fucking hell!?  That’s our new sponsor?  ON OUR JERSEYS!  Fucking christ.  WHAT ARE YOU THINKING!?

Let’s give a history lesson here:

Bimbo… Ok, for the lack of use of English language amongst Mexican countries (no offense… and yes i’m being purposefully ignorant here..much like a bimbo) I will spell out the pronunciation of the company.

Beem-bo is a Mexican based food company specializing in pastries.  Full name Grupo Beem-bo.  It’s much like a Johnson and Johnson or INBV company, an umbrella capital company that buys up smaller companies as their own profit making machines, usually local companies throughout their areas of reach.  They also have their own products, but you know how marketing ploys are, “It’s all in the name”.  Where would Engelbert Humperdinck be without that glorious name?

Beem-bo… or Bimbo as it’s spelled in Mexicanida, is a combination of words (combined on purpose) often associated with bread and pastries, Bingo and Bambi… Yes, a lottery game and a deer.  Double WTF…

On a personal level, I never heard of Beem-bo until I’ve seen billboards on 95.  And looking at that bear with bread, I went “what the fuck” then, just like I’m saying it now.  Ok, so they’re a bread company, big woop.  And with the rumors circulating, and the soon announcement of the sponsor, I was unaware of this company even being an option for a sponsorship (I’m not in the SoB nor anywhere near the rumor level as other people are).  So when I saw comments making fun of Beem-bo, I took it for a grain of salt.  How could they possibly pick this company, who the fuck’s heard of them anyway?

Well, apparently enough.  Again, fully unaware, their USA headquarters is in Horsham, a move they made from Texas… that’s right.  They moved HQ from good ole Texas to…Horsham…  An upgrade to say the least, but..still?  So, in all due purposes, they kinda are a local company, by association.  Then I read what they own.  Stroehmann’s bread, Thomas English muffins, Entenmann’s, Boboli pizza… ok, you got cred.  I enjoy Stroehmann’s brand, and a coffee cake from time to time.  Shit, I’m logicizing this deal.  And this deal has been in the works for the past 6 months… who knew (people other than me and local populace).

Reading on from the Inquirer about the pre-announced announcement, they are also a possible buyer for the failing TastyKake.  Hmm… I..guess… its…ok…

Back to reality though: The second I heard Bimbo was going to be on our jerseys I jumped.  Being a poker player at heart, it comes with a level of procrastination.  And even though available for over a year, I still never bought a damn jersey.  Well, I have an original jersey coming in the mail as we speak.  Thank you, I never would have bought it otherwise.

So, when you next see Bimbo on the Union jersey, and you brought you girlfriend to the game…please pronounce it correctly.  The only fights we want to see in our stands if any (please don’t fight) are soccer fights…not your girlfriend beating the living shit out of you because she thought you called her a bimbo.



-Dan K. .5 of unholy union and rare contributor of  social tirades

Freddy Adu to Union Rumors

January 4, 2011 Leave a comment

If you want my take on the speculation that Union are the best MLS fit for Freddy Adu, just look at the category I put this post under.  UNION DON’T NEED ANOTHER PLAYER WHO IS BEST DEPLOYED IN THE CENTER OF THE PITCH!!!!!  If I could scream this, I would.  That is all.

Nick Y., the other .5 of Unholy Union

Categories: HA HA HA