Home > Match Preview > Reasons why to hate New England Revolution

Reasons why to hate New England Revolution

As we are heading into our 21st match in our inaugural season, I thought about having a column to reason why we should dislike other teams… considering many fans either are new to soccer in the area (other than CYO) or just getting used to watching soccer without British accents.

We all know why we hate New York, that’s just a given, but what about the other 14 teams in the league.

This week I will focus on the New England Revolution, who we are playing this Saturday at 7:30 PM at Gillette Stadium.  Here are some of the finer points as to why we should look down upon N.E. Revolution.  

New England Revolution

History:
– Their name alone.  Sure, they had Paul Revere, Sam Adams, Thomas Paine, and Ben Franklin was from there… but he moved and liked it here!  Not only that, what revolution did they really start?  All they did was dress up as ‘injuns’ and have a massive salted tea party in their bay.  All England would do with that is scoff and speak of how uncivilized Americans are (kind of sounds like nothing changed).  We wrote a damn letter! We told them to “F*** OFF!”  They listened, and that’s how the revolution started.  Not some uncanny, trigger happy folks that their best assets are maple syrup, pine cones, and leaving their land to get other resources for money (fishing).

Beer:
– Seriously, other than the seasonal beer, Samuel Adams (not to be confused with Jackson) is okay, but give me a Yuengling any day.  Tastes better and is much better for the price.  Also, it’s from Pottsville, PA.  Battle of the beers i must say.

Team itself:
– I took it upon myself to research this team, and I just had to laugh at the fact their website, is a “.net”. http://www.revolutionsoccer.net/index.cfm  Yea, I know in these economic times it is tough on the small, overhead costs, but you’re a damn MLS franchise for ***-sake!  Get a “.com.” Even teenagers with no allowance can afford a “.com”!
 – The name of the team alone irks me for the aforementioned “History” topic above.
 – They are in the Superliga Championship.  This accomplishment of course to be applauded, but they’re getting somewhere we’re not.  Although not bad for the fourth worst team in the league.  I understand there’s hardly any room to talk, but they’re at our level (if even less), they may be in the Superliga final, but we need to make them remember where exactly they are at the moment, on the added note it’s really a conselation prize anyway.
 – Alexei Lalas was a founding player.  Enough said.  Who reading this can’t stand hearing the voice of that unwanted redheaded step-child on ESPN.  He’s a condescending, dim-witted, pretentious loser.  Can’t stand the sight, hearing, or name of him.

Lalas when he played - seriously?

Lalas when he played - seriously?

 – The team was founded by the Kraft family.  I don’t know about you, but I lean more towards Nabisco for some weird reason…
 – Something to laugh about – They’ve never won a championship (Ok, they won 2008 SuperLiga… whatever. Not like I care about facts if you haven’t noticed).  Maybe we can “feel” for them considering what other Philly teams have gone through, but who am I kidding.  A special note is involved with the fact that in the 2001 U.S. Open Cup Final against the LA Galaxy, Danny Califf scored the game winning goal for the Galaxy.  Definitely something to note.

So there are some of the reasons I was able to come up with for why not to like this team.  There’s plenty to begin with, what with Tom Brady being (formerly) the poster child for all that is holy in NFL, Patriots, the Boston accent itself, not knowing anything about what goes on in Maine (or any of those states for that matter), etc.  Take it for what you will.

– Dan K

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