Week 9 MLS Picks – give me a goal

NY:  I’m mailing this week in.  I’m employing the coin-flip technique.  I don’t know how draw is going to factor in to this.  F*ck it, I just won’t pick a draw then.

DK: Isn’t that what we always do? Mail it in.  to make it simpler (cause of timing) I’m going to match up with your matches.

NY:  Chivas USA v Chicago Fire:  I guess home team is heads, road team is tails, so here goes:  Damn it, I don’t even have a quarter so I’m flipping a nickel, but anyway: Tails = Chicago wins.  I like this method.

DK: Even though Chicago sucks, so does Chivas.  It’s going to be sad that this game is close in any aspect, but Oduro is likely going to notch a goal in this one, it’s harder to tell what Chivas will do – but east conference teams always fail miserably on the west coast. 1-1 tie.

NY:  Toronto FC v DC United:  Flip #2:  Tails, again.  That makes sense.  TFC doesn’t seem to play as well in league play as they have in their inter, and intra, national tournaments.

DK: TFC still can’t buy a point, and DC is on a tear, DC 2-0.

NY:  Vancouver Whitecaps v San Jose Earthquakes:  Flippity Flippity #3:  Damn it, i dropped on the floor and rolled under my desk.  Re-do:  Tails, AGAIN!  Eh, San Jose HAS been playing well.  They scored 2 in beating Union Saturday, then come out mid-week and put a 5-spot on the board to get another 3 points.  Sure, why not another win?

DK: I don’t like this match up only because I’m clearly picking San Jose… they’re good, who the hell knew. 1-0

 NY:  LA Galaxy v New Jersey Pink Cows:  Flippity Floppity Floop #4:  Heads!  That means that this early war-of-attrition will be won by the home side!  Sure!  Why not?!?!?

DK: Weirdly, I dislike LA more than RBNY, and they’ve been doing much better than LA so far (only by one game).   I’ll go with a 2-2 tie.  Think NY could HANDle it?  No, it never gets old.

 NY:  Seattle Sounders v Philadelphia Union:  Dare I coin flip this?  Sure, it seems to be working so well… Heads!  This means that Union will take their second straight defeat.  I guess I can believe that.  That turf is weird, it’s an odd time (1:30pm local), and Freddy Montero might be too much for the Union to deal with.  If these picks are correct, I’m keeping this nickel and flipping it every week, but if these are wrong, I’m going to melt the damn thing down so it’s no longer a coin.  There’s a lot at stake for this coin, isn’t there?

DK: Yes we beat Seattle last year… Yes that field is atrocious.  Yes my retinas burn while watching games in Seattle.  No nothing good will come from this.  Last year’s team was vastly different than this year’s team, and sadly enough – only one of those variations included Stefani Miglioranzi.  The only upside to this weekend for me is seeing the Avengers movie after the game, I fully expect a loss of 2-1.  I hope to god though that something FINALLY f***ing clicks with this team….

Week 7 MLS Picks

Dan – 17 out of 30
Nick – 13 out of 30

DK: This week we’re going to incorporate a special guest pick set of our dear, beloved friend, Johnny “Vegas”.  Let’s see if he’s as sharp as we are.

Jh: As sharp as you guys? Judging by your season record you guys are as sharp as a ball peen hammer.

 

NY:  We basically use this weekly segment to post content to the blog, as well as make fun of the other teams in MLS anyway.

 

DK: TFC vs Chicago – Not much to be presented by these two teams. TFC gets their first points through a  0-0 tie.

 

JH: Toronto vs Chicago: when gambling a man must have rules.  Always double down on 11 in blackjack, Never bet on the hard ten in craps Ect.  First rule of MLS game picking, always go against Canadian teams. Chicago isn’t much better than Toronto but just picked up Chris Rolffe back from his two and a half year tour of Denmark. Expect him in the game day 18 and so give the fire a big boost upfront. Chi 2-0

 

NY:  Vancouver hosting Dallas makes hefty travel for the visitors.  FCD will travel just 600 miles less than Union will by going to L.A.  The difference is that Dallas has Brek Shea, and Union don’t have anyone that good.  Dallas triumphs in this one 2-0.

 

DK: Portland vs KC – I’m jumping on the bandwagon… well granted, if you asked me last year I would say that KC looks like a fantastic team anyway.  But they are undefeated right now.  They’re legitimately on fire and I don’t see them giving this up that easily, especially against a team such as Portland.  The one thing with this game is that it will be in their Jedi Wen stadium, and with a chainsaw buzzing at a more annoying level than vuvuzela, it will be a tough one for them.  KC 2-1

 

JH: Portland vs Kansas City: another gambling rule I live by, anytime the best team in the league plays the worst team in the western conference. Always go with the best. Sporting KC are a balanced scoring team with a nightmare back line. And they have a tendency to beat up on bad teams. And right now Portland is BAD. 3-0 Sporting.

 

NY:  Houston’s traveling circus hits Ohio this weekend, and the homeless Dynamo take on the Crew.  Columbus were unlucky to lose to Union last week, the only goal coming from a penalty kick.  They get to rebound against the team-whose-new-home-stadium-is-still-being-built Houston.  It’s always tough playing every game on the road to open the season, just ask KC.  But Houston managed to score a goal playing underwater (that match in Chicago that was stopped after 65 minutes due to rain).  Columbus couldn’t take advantage of a makeshift Union backline last week, and they won’t fare any better against the hobos of MLS.  I see it ending 2-1 Houston, because they’ve only played 4 matches so far this season so the uninjured players have fresh legs.

 

DK: DC vs NY – I would be picking NY in this game anyway – considering DC just tied against Montreal last night (a bright side in the dark world of philly sports which was last night), but Rafa Marquez is fined and suspended for his blatant disregard for the talent that is Shea Selinas.  So I’m saying NY wins so much more outstandingly than before, and expect them to go on a tear while their monkey is off their back.  NY 3-1

 

NY:  New York’s luck gets better and better.  They got rid of that nuisance Luke Rodgers and played better.  Now, the league gifted them a reprieve from that thug, Rafa Marquez.  New York takes this one 2-0, as DeRo’s dancing shoes will not be needed this week.

 

JH: Colorado vs LA: normally a match up of the last two champions would be prime time viewing but alas this year so far LA and the Rapids have been middling at best. But much like the early 2000 lakers I expect the fightin Donovan’s to start turning it on. 1-0 LA.

 

DK: Colorado vs LA has the makings of a decent skilled match… and then you realize that they’re not on top like they both usually are.  I still think it should be a great match to watch, but nothing much in it for either – 1-1 tie.

 

JH: San Jose vs Real Salt Lake: Two very evenly matched teams, A  San Jose win puts them at the top of the western table while a RSL win locks them firmly at the top. But without Shea Selinas I don’t think the earthquakes have enough firepower to keep RSL from shutting down Chris Wondolowski. Espindola grabs a goal and RSL steals one on the road 1-0.

 

NY:  Real Salt Lake visiting San Jose is a chance for RSL to get right back on the winning track.  There’s certainly no shame in them losing to KC at this point in the season, with Sporting having such a good run right now.  The intrigue comes from Real looking immediately below where they sit, atop the conference standings, to see the Earthquakes just 2 points behind, with a game-in-hand.  Don’t worry, no one thought San Jose would be in 2^nd place at any point of the year, either.  I pick RSL to put SJE in their place, 3-2

 

DK: Chivas verse Union.  Chivas being mine and Nick’s definitive “Loser each week, every week”, this will be the game that will test how well the Union as a team is this year.  Remember, Chivas snuck in 3 points against a stagnant RSL offense – a little more than what we as fans can predict the Union to do when those two face off – and beat Toronto and Portland.   Some factors to take into play – 1) East coast west coast travel… this is a 10:30 pm game – 7:30 pm PST.  Jetlag will be in effect.  2) Some scuttlebutt says the Califf did not travel, but we are more than happy with Gaddis in there as a replacement.  3) It’s Chivas.  A lot of factors, mostly team based, are in our way of a victory here, but I’m still putting it in that Chivas is complete shit.  Union win 1-0 off either a set piece or a lucky PK.

 

JH: Union vs Chivas: Have the union even scored a goal from actual game play? I think Novak’s plan is only score off set pieces and PKs. Defensively the Union are rock solid and MacMath is coming into his own. Novak’s perfect season carries on as no one scores. 0-0

 

NY:  Interesting pick, this match.  Chivas, though they have 9 points, are winless at home.  They’ve both played Portland at Jeld-Wen Stadium, where Union lost and Chivas won.  They’ve also both hosted Vancouver, where Union got a scoreless draw and Chivas lost 1-0.  The aforementioned travel effects, along with the fact that Chivas have not conceded more than a single goal in any match so far, would have me pegging this as a Union loss.  But The Goats, for some strange reason, don’t play well at Home Depot Center.  Maybe they lose footing in the body marks Landon Donovan leaves after he dives.  1-1 draw.

Week 6 picks – god we suck at this game.

We need advice

Dan – 13 out of 25
Nick – 12 out of 25

DK:  There’s a reason why we’re not in Vegas.
NY:  Damn right.  There are better sports books for soccer in Europe anyhow.

DK: Well here we are again.  I’m getting to these picks late as usual… I need to start slacking off work more often.
NY:  MORE often?!?!?  Is that possible?

 DK: Game of the week should be KC vs RSL.  5 and 0 versus 5 and 1.  Top of east verse west.  KC has only allowed 1 goal in 5 games, and RSL has only allowed 4 in 6 games.  RSL’s only loss so far came at the feet of Chivas, so consistency can be a question, but that was a couple weeks ago.  Neither team is going to take the other lightly, and this will probably see some decent amount of scoring chances from both teams.  This one can really go either way, but a tie is most certainly out of the question.  I’m going to go with KC over RSL 3-2.

NY:  In Seattle v Colorado, I’m going to take a one week break from my assertion that Seattle always wins at home.  I’ll say 2-2 draw for this one.

 DK:  2^nd pick is going to be Dallas over Montreal.  Hands down.  I don’t think I have to go into much detail as to why, even though Montreal can take you by surprise.  Dallas 2-0

NY:  New England v DC United ought to be an easy one for DC, with NE’s Shalrie Joseph suspended for the match.  I foresee much bad dancing from DeRo.  3-0 DC wins.

 DK: 3^rd pick is Toronto and Chivas.  Now that Toronto can focus on the MLS regular season, will they go back to their normal level of suck that we’re accustomed to seeing?  Not likely.  I’ll put my money on Toronto finally getting their first points against Chivas 1-0.

NY:  RBNY hosting San Jose is going to be ugly.  As if it isn’t bad enough for the ‘Quakes that they have to travel cross-country for this, they’re running into the We-Play-Much-Better-Without-Luke-Rodgers NY side.  Henry finds some way to net a couple more cheap goals and earn Player of the Week honors yet again.  4-1 RBNY win

 DK: 4^th pick is one of those gimmes that probably will slap me in the face.  LA versus Portland.  Bottom of the west coast (who knew that LA was at the bottom – supporters shield my ass).  Whatever has befallen the Galaxy, I’m certain good ole Bruce – I look like a Bond Villain – Arena will start lighting some fire under peoples asses so that the golden child of the MLS won’t go 1-5-0.  My suggestion, start with the money piled up to pay Donovan and Beckham.  LA over Portland 1-0.

NY:  Chicago v Houston is going to be a more competitive match than most this week. That’s because Brad Davis won’t be playing, leaving Houston with a midfielder shortage.  This wouldn’t be a problem for them if Peter Nowak was their coach, because he would just play some forwards out of position there.  That guy’s got the answer for everything (I wouldn’t have been able to say that line without laughing, which is where typed text works better).  2-1 Chicago Fire win.

 UNION PICK

DK:  This one never gets old – and by that, it means it does.  The only thing we do know is that there is one less midfielder to randomly pick who might even ride the bench, yet alone start.  Hopefully Torres gets a fast and full recovery.  Anyway – I would say that we get to see Garfan back in that ill-fated LB position, as Lopez is likely with his national team.  Other than that… Yea.  I don’t know either.  What I do know is that something was starting to click in that last match against Vancouver, but unfortunately it wasn’t shots.  Columbus isn’t that great either, and word on the interwebz has it that even Columbus fans don’t think this is going to be a stellar game, as both teams have went on the decline – don’t let Columbus’ 2 wins fool you, those were games they were supposed to win (Montreal, TFC).  What I think?  I think we’ll finally notch our first win.  The shots will pour forth as if the Bearfight Brigade converted into Jersey Shore wannabes.  Union 2-0.

NY:  Yes, Columbus and Philly are having similar seasons right now, but Union will only go as far as Freddy Adu takes them, which will not be good enough.  I just can’t see them scoring 2 goals right now without Torres involved.  I’m picking this to be a 1-1 draw.

Summary:
DK:  KC 3-2 RSL; Dallas 2-0 Montreal; Toronto 1-0 Chivas; LA 1-0 Portland; Union 2-0 Columbus
NY: Seattle 2-2 Colorado; NE 0-3 DC; NY 4-1 SJE; Chicago 2-1 Houston; Union 1-1 Columbus

Week 5 Picks

This is the weekly post where Dan and Nick square off to see whom can better predict the outcomes of 5 matches from the MLS slate.  The email happened as follows:

Montreal v Toronto;  Columbus v New York;  SKC v LA;  San Jose v Vancouver;  DC v Seattle;  RSL v Colorado;  Portland v Chivas 

DK: Not like I’ve been posting anything on the blog to begin with, but it’s still nice to not have to worry about a “pregame” post commenting about how we don’t have faith in the team (read: Management). 

NY:  Dan, just because Union don’t have a match doesn’t mean that you and I can’t poorly predict the outcomes of the rest of the MLS weekend slate.  Let’s begin, shall we?

I’ll take Union’s 2 biggest geographic rivals, New York and DC to start.  New York seems to have been buoyed by the fact that Luke Rodgers is not going to be able to return to the team due to visa problems.  He seems like a jackass.  New York, on the road, is going to continue their We-play-better-without-Luke run of form and defeat their hosts, Columbus, 3-1.

DK: I think NY IS better without Luke – seriously, I hate the guy… then again there aren’t many opposing strikers that I don’t hate.  But NY is traveling to Columbus, who doesn’t look too awfully shabby, but they’ve only played 3 games, and one was Toronto.  I’ll still give it to home field advantage and say that Columbus over takes NY, but 2-0.  That, or Henrey places the ball in the net a few times (note: I didn’t say kick).

 NY:  DC United looked scary-good last week, and they are hosting Seattle, which should dedicate this match to the memories of Kurt Cobain and Layne Staley, both of whom died on April 5, in 1994 and 2002, respectively.  Ok, so they won’t, but wouldn’t it be otherworldly awesome if Sounders donned a flannel-pattern kit for this match as a tribute?  Pearl Jam and Soundgarden as a postgame concert?  Might be the only way that DC would sell as many tickets as Seattle averages.  Be that as it may, this will be the game of the week, with DC winning 3-2.

 DK: 2^nd pick is the teams from states in the middle west that fall into a whole in the map. RSL vs Colorado.  RSL is at home, but they just recently played Montreal on Wednesday, and won only 1-0.  You’d think they’d notch a few more goals on that one, but you can’t complain about a team with a 4 win and 1 loss start (I wish I could talk about a team with that start).  This is early to call, but obvious as a possible playoff match preview and the current battle for top of the West.  Note: RSL has a 6 game unbeaten street against Colorado, and I think this will continue on to 7.  RSL over Colorado 2-1.

 NY:  Civil war!  The first MLS regular season meeting between Montreal and Toronto will be a snoozer.  TFC is still seeing visions of Herculez Gomez scoring goals creeping behind their centerbacks, and Montreal hasn’t found their MLS-level game yet.  However, they earn a draw, 1-1, based on home field advantage.

DK: I too think that Montreal and Toronto will be a tie.  It’s just how much of a level of bore and ‘potential’ do you want to witness for this match.  Leave it in Canada and let us not suffer a 0-0 game.

 NY:  Runner-up for match-of-the-week is Sporting Kansas City hosting LA Galaxy.  It’s the runner up because LA is not playing well right now, otherwise, it’s a 4-0-0 SKC hosting the defending MLS Cup Champions.  I see SKC winning this one 2-1, and staking early claim to the title of early frontrunner for this year’s title.  And, commence fanning the rumor flames that KC can exercise their contractual rights to Herc Gomez to bring him in on-loan once the Clausura is over, and he likely wins the title there, too.

 DK: Again we’re picking the same outcome.  SKC at home is similar to what LA was last year.  Not only that, SKC has momentum – and talent.  Right now LA only has piles of cash.  Even though I doubt Gomez will come back to play for KC at any point in time, in the near future KC will easily handle what LA brings and Kamara will notch 2 goals easy. 2-1 also.

NY:  And I need a relative gimmie, so I’ll close with Timbers hosting Chivas.  It’s well-documented through these posts what my opinion of Chivas is.  I know they didn’t follow orders 2 weeks back in beating RSL, but that was an aberration.  That idiot with the chainsaw will get to celebrate a home victory, and cut into that log a few times in doing so.  Portlandia 3-1.

 DK: Yes Portland’s at home, and that buffoon will likely have fun celebrating a few goals (seriously, what are you compensating for with that chainsaw) – but I don’t want him celebrating with that chainsaw.  I get the gimmick, I get the tradition, I just don’t like it.  And in that I’m saying that he won’t be celebrating and this will end in a 0-0 tie.  Don’t you like the way I make my picks?

 NY:  And in closing, with a bonus prediction, I’ll predict that Union don’t lose this weekend.  It might be the only thing I get right.

Summary: NY:  Columbus 1-3 New York,  DC 3-2 Seattle,  Montreal 1-1 Toronto,  SKC 2-1 LA,  Portland 3-1 Chivas USA

DK: Columbus 2-1 New York, RSL 2-1 Colorado, Montreal 0-0 Toronto, SKC 2-1 LA, Portland 0-0 Chivas USA

Week 4 picks – The downward Spiral Begins

Score – Dan 7, Nick 8

Wow we suck

 

DK: Well, last week was completely miserable… I didn’t get shit right.

NY: That’s because your luck has run out.  I’m in front on the scoreboard, the way it should be.

DK: Hopefully not run out enough to win the lottery tonight.

DK: Since I have to right my sinking ship, I’m going to pick LA vs New England.  New England squeaked one out last week at home, but now they have to play LA in LA.  We all know how that works out for east coast teams.  2-0 LA just because they’re LA

NY: DC v FCD:  Andy Najar is away on Honduran international duty, and Brek Shea is just back from US international duty.  I think DeRo nets one, and Dallas gets one.  I call a 1-1 draw, in a match that may have more people on the field than in the RFK Stadium stands.

DK: Chivas vs SKC.  Chivas did the unthinkable, unimaginable, the incredible… ok I didn’t watch the game whatsoever.  But they defeated RSL last week (much to the demise of our pick count) – one of the last teams you would think Chivas could defeat.  Well, if it isn’t broke, don’t fix it, and Chivas is not that good of a team, and SKC is that good of a team with many attacking options (I’m still scratching my head as to why RSL didn’t score though).  SKC will easily walk into LA and take a win from Chivas, and stay undefeated.  3-1

NY: Seattle v San Jose: Seattle wins at home.  I know San Jose defied my prediction last week, it won’t happen again this week.  Seattle at home 2-1

DK: This is the only time I’m going to pick RBNY.  Still surprised at their manhandling of Vancouver, but if they did that to Vancouver at home, they should easily take apart the expansion side of Montreal in that wasteland they call home (or Harrison).  New Jersey Pink Cows will get the win, while acting and looking like they are the top class of the league – when we all know they aren’t.  2-0

NY: Portland v RSL: Interesting contest, considering RSL losing last week, and having to go on the road in a difficult setting.  I will pick a 1-1 draw here, as well.

DK: Toronto vs Columbus – Toronto, all though they have been playing well at BMO field, is more concerned about Santos and the Champions League than MLS right now.  Columbus will come in and wipe the floor with TFC.  2-1

NY: Colorado v Chicago: A matchup of two teams that we’ve already seen play against Union.  I was more impressed with Colorado, plus they’re playing at home, so I give this one to the Rapids, 2-0.

UNION

DK: We have the team.  We have the players Nowak wants… now it’s just implementing the fuck out of it.  We also need to score that 2^nd goal.  If we don’t, all is for lost.  But I’m going to say this will come down to a 1-1 tie.  Le Toux, if he plays, won’t be spectacular (neither will be our team).

NY: Union need to take the attitude of Gabriel Gomez on themselves.  He’s fiery, determined, and skilled.  If the whole team plays the way he does, they will win.  I don’t expect them to, therefore, I see this ending 1-1, only because Vancouver will not have Eric Hassli.  If he was in the lineup, the ‘Caps would win this outright.

 Recap:

DK:
LA 2-0 New England
Chivas 1-3 SKC
NY 2-0 Montreal
Toronto 1-2 Columbus
Union 1-1 Vancouver

 NY:
DC 1-1 Dallas
Seattle 2-1 San Jose
Portland 1-1 RSL
Colorado 2-0 Chicago
Union 1-1 Vancouver

 

Stay tuned later for our match ‘pre’view

Season Picks – Week 2 Dan vs Nick

All went well for Dan minus his Union pick, as he went 4 for 4 prior to the Union loss.  Nick caught back up due to his union prediction.  Scores Dan 4 – Nick 3.  On to week 2!

 

WTF is Nowak doing

 

NY:  San Jose v Houston:  Lingering from last year’s playoff defeat of the Union, I still don’t like Houston.  I know they won a road match last week, but that was against Chivas.  There might not be a worse team in this league than Chivas.  Therefore, I will say that Wondo nets one for the ‘Quakes, and the match ends in a 1-1 draw.

DK: As I would normally pick this match and say Houston over San Jose, Houston not scoring a goal til the 92^nd minute against Chivas is going to make me walk away from this one.  Instead I’m going to pick Kansas City over New England.  I’m basing this on SKC holding strong and proving that they are and will be the top of the East (that counterattack is hard to stifle) and the New England is still rotting from the inside out in all areas of management, playing, and so forth.  2-0 for Sporting at home.

NY:  FC Dallas v Portland:  Lingering from last week’s defeat of the Union, I still don’t like Portland.  Dallas did well to frustrate PCNJ last week, but Portland isn’t a bunch of whiny, complaining quitters.  This being in Dallas, I think FCD takes this 2-1.

DK: I’m just going to say that I’m going to pick most all other league matches.  The ones you picked are likely going to be close ones.  I don’t think Portland can out match DC like the way they outplayed the Union, but it goes without saying that they are completely match fit and this will be a good match to watch.

My 2^nd match is going to be Montreal and Chicago.  Chicago had a bye in the opening week and will be well rested.  If you include the fact that their starting line is still intact from last year, they are already miles ahead of the Impact… but what amount of impact (see what I did there) will a ‘record breaking’ crowd for Montreal do for the home team?  I don’t think a bunch of French Canadian fans will make that much of a difference.  I’ll say Montreal will finally tally a goal, but lose 2-1 to Chicago.

NY:  Real Salt Lake v New York:  RSL dominated a tired LA Galaxy 3-1.  They might double that goal-scoring output against a team who seemed to only have 2 players who cared against Dallas.  Ok, maybe not quite THAT bad, but RSL wins again, either 2-0 or 3-1.

DK: 3^rd pick for me is Seattle verse Toronto.  Both played the 2^nd leg of the CONCACAF Champion’s league Quarterfinal Wednesday night. Seattle, being thoroughly embarrassed by Santos – Toronto overcoming the “goliath” in LA.  One’s confidence is likely shattered, the other is walking on air.  Both are going to have their fair amount of travel-lag and fatigue between Wed and Saturday.  I don’t think the home field advantage of plastic and fluorescent colors will help Seattle against the confidence TFC will have after beating LA at home.  2-1 TFC.

NY:  Chivas v Vancouver:  Chivas sucks.  Sebastien Le Toux will become Sebastien Le Two in this one, and all Union faithful will shed a tear into their green beer.

 

DK: Far too obvious.  Vancouver played solid soccer in their opener.  Can’t do anything but agree with you on this one.  The gimme pick of the week – Vancouver wins 2-0

NY: Union v Colorado:  Union found it tough to navigate the midfield against Portland, and they will be faced with Jeff Larentowicz and Pablo Mastroeni in the central midfield which won’t make things any easier.  I’m setting the yellow card over/under at 4.5.  That same over/under applies to number of times we will collectively nearly crap ourselves because a Colorado right winger gets behind Porfirio Lopez.  Unless something changes miraculously from Monday to Sunday, I see this as another loss for the U, at BEST a draw.  Second verse, same as the first, Union 1-2 Colorado.

DK: I’ll stop being a homer for once and I’m going to get flack for this as well.  There’s no possible way we’re going to play as a team.  We look like we’re in 2010 form, minus someone attempting to fly like superman (yes, I’m never going to give up on referencing David Myrie’s performance).  We have no midfield – literally they almost disappeared.  Our strikers were too far depressed into our defensive half, providing few outlets for any possible counterattack (which we never had).  And our defensive line looks surprisingly shaky – granted that after Portland’s tying goal we started to panic and play the long ball – something of which we again, never had – and opened ourselves up more for constant pressure did NOT help ourselves defensively.  Colorado is a tough team to beat, even with Casey Connor out for who knows how long.  2-0 Colorado.  The only thing that could save us is home field advantage, Colorado travel lag, and MacMath showing us the same performance he did in goal last year.  But all signs point to no win.

NY:
SJ vs Hou – Tie
FCD vs Por – FCD 2-1
RSL vs NY – RSL win
Chivas vs Van – Van win
UNION vs Colorado – loss

DK:
SKC vs NE – SKC 2-0
Mon vs Chi – Chi 2-1
Sea vs TFC – TFC 2-1
Chivas vs Van – Van 2-0
UNION vs Colorado – loss

Back to the grind – Touchlines

So, apparently Seattle also invented the work week – which prevented myself and Nick from making any posts during the past week and a half.  Lucky for us, we got the last laugh (with much sleep deprivation).

Thanks to the Philly Soccer Page for pointing out that Philebrity.com has a poll running for “Who to support now that the Phillies lost the playoffs, and the Eagles suck”.  Union are currently behind the Flyers 121 to 145.  There are 64 jackasses who voted “2 teams is enough” (Seriously, not knocking these guys – but who goes to philebrity dot com anyway!?  Who that is an average stereotype for an eagles fan on top of that?)  And feel free to view the results and feel sad for the 12 people who voted for the Sixers.

Telegraph.co.uk has an epic piece about the CFU / CONCACAF bribery scandal that happened in the Caribbean featuring star players Bin Hammam and Jack Warner.  The best part about this piece – it’s not a piece, but a video that proves every single person is guilty.  The best part about this?  Well, you have to see for yourself – especially since it’s from Jack Warner’s own mouth.  There’s various comedic jems in there.  Bill Archer has a blog that points out various comedic parts of the video, especially if you have been keeping score with the whole scandal.  Adam Sandler couldn’t make this shit up.

What’s sad, red, and doesn’t know what the fuck it’s doing?  Two possible answers in this (Pig latin: SMNTUlay, Orontotlay efflay eclay)…

Okay, maybe three.

Our last regular season home game is this Saturday – what does that mean?  The highway ramps next to the stadium are finally accessible.

Remember – They’re call girls when they’re alive.  When dead, they’re just hookers.

I apologize for touchlines this week not being as blatantly bad humor and more of a link to link piece – but I really feel like my brain’s in a coma from the past week… and I have to get it back in shape for the bearfights this week – it can only take so much damage you know.

Finally dry Touch Lines

Seattle has invented everything just recently, and are looking to add to their invention of pissing off the rest of the US soccer world if they can get past FC Dallas in the USOC semis for their third straight USOC championship game (and title).  Let’s all hope that Sigi doesn’t pull his scarf too tight around his neck and pop his head off.  That wouldn’t be a pretty site.  The other MLS team in it still is Chicago, unfourtanately for them, the other team looks like they will show up to the game.

In Union news, not much Union news.  It’s hard enough to get new news bits from a team with closed lips, it’s even worse when we don’t have a game for 2 weeks.  I don’t even know what day it is now.

Arsenal.

Speaking of blowouts, Columbus Crew did the Union a huge favor at Seattle by not showing up and losing 6-2.  That’s representing the Eastern conference for you.

Congrats to the Crew’s Jeff Cunningham on surpassing Jaime Moreno for the most career MLS goals.  Now back to obscurity with you.

In around the world news – Diego Maradona is coaching over in Dubai for  Al Wasl FC.  He has an annual salary of 3.5 million, and a private jet at his disposal for 2 seasons.  Someone is #winning all over the place right now.

Yes I just made a 5 month old Charlie Sheen joke.  But seriously, what else are you going to do on a private jet than hookers and blow.  We’re also talking about the “Hand of God” here, so of course he’s doing that.  Don’t expect him to be using that jet for something like aiding earthquake survivors.

Weatherwise, it’s been a rough week.  Starts with an earthquake, birds and snakes, then airplanes.  Well, Lenny Bruce was not afraid.  Then a eye of a hurricane, can you hear yourself churn?  In all serious, REM aside, we at UU hope everyone is alright and that your power’s back.

After the slaughter – Time to dock in the Sound

The trouble with what we were doing with this blog and actually going to the games is that we can’t stream the game in our fashion similar to the espn live commentaries (if you are at a work computer while any high profile match is going on, you know what i am talking about).  We kind of miss it, and that was usually how we would recap our games without needing post game commentary.  So 4 days after the cow slaughter, and here we are.

It’s lonely at the top… I shouldn’t say that just yet for fear of jynxing.  We are number 1 in the East after 4 games – 9 points out of 4 games in our second year is more than we could have asked for (realistically), especially with only 1 GA and a 2 GD.  Statistically, we are a powerhouse… until you look at possession time and successful passing rate, shots on goal… you get the idea.

As someone from the Pink Cows (i like mine medium rare mind you) said in a post game interview, it is difficult to score against a team that moves everyone back defensively.  It must be said, our defense bent like no other on Saturday, and were doing shockingly well with not letting the bulls get decent chances (minus the two off the crossbar, but who’s paying attention to that).  The fact that, sans the cross bar shots, we practically muted a team with the talent of an up-and-comer USMNT of Agudelo, Marquez, the weather tested (and hand battered) experience of Henry, and the steal of DeRosario should say SOMETHING about this team… But all I hear are complaints about how a team could control the entire game (I don’t know what game they were watching, but I was there and it looked as if it was a constant midfield battle) and not just get no result but lose.  How about you stop downing on the young team and start realizing – if LA struggled to get a goal (minus one mental slip up) and Houston and Vancouver both had control of the game and couldn’t get a result from it, look at the team they can’t get a result from.  Start taking notes on us instead of the other team.

But a win is a win – we just have to distribute more tissues to the away supporters.  Our defense looked superb again with Harvey and Califf making header clears like no other.  Keon Daniel was a pleasant suprise on the field as a starter, and his touch later in the game showed why he is worth starting (seriously, he schooled Solli on two occasions) – and I agree with the choice of benching Naka, even though he was showing plenty of signs of improvement, but for this game you want skill and not hope for someone who’s still in the making (suprisingly enough it looked like Keon is a veteran).  I would like Keon to start again against Seattle.

Carroll likely made the best game decision of his life by subbing himself out of the game in the 7th minute for a hammy.  He said it hurt like hell, hopefully it will heal up in time for Saturday, but fear not, we have Amobi to take his place… or Migs’ place since he was just spotlighted last week in one of those Union PR articles (as every Union feel good article so far has shown signs of someone being benched or being cut from the team… doubt me?  Ask Jacobson and just recently Naka).  Okugo must have played well… Considering I am saying must have because I don’t remember noticing him too much, which for a defensive midfielder that usually means you are doing something right.  Migs on the other hand, while defensively skillfull, still has no touch for the ball or sight for any of his passes.  Don’t be suprised if you don’t see him starting in the next couple of weeks.

Mapp, was basic Mapp.  Being out of the game for a couple weeks due to injury, this was his first game back.  To be honest, he seemed completely lost to me.  First he didn’t give Sheanon the ball to throw in when he was within 20 yards of goal… which by now everyone SHOULD know that is the equivalent of a free kick outside the box – queue image of Sheanon reaching out for the ball looking at him going “WTF mate” when he weak tossed it to the teammate behind him.  All else, Mapp looked lost, created chances off of his favored foot, and used hardly any of his other foot.  I enjoyed Mapp last year, but this year he’s starting to become fairly stale in an already stale midfield.

Le Toux is showing signs of promise as his workrate is like no other… the only problem is his touch is off, and he is hesitating.  He often passed the ball to a defender after hesitating instead of making the quick through ball to the advancing attacker to his side.  He almost had an accidental goal from a cross to Keon in the 2nd half that the Pink cows imbecile of a keeper blocked and almost put in his own net (i say imbecile, not just cause he’s on NJPC but  for his dive to try to get le toux carded late in the game).  Ruiz, as I’m sure he knows he doesn’t have the speed anymore, is trying to prove to defenses (and maybe us) that he is still a threat by making those 2 remarkable long shots at goal in the 1st half – 1 clearing the post by a foot (got us on our feet I must say) and another deadly strike to the bottom corner of the net that if the keeper wasn’t ready, was a sure goal.  I’m starting to like Ruiz, and once he’s able to find some open space and get into the box and click with the rest of the team, he’s going to be a lethal weapon.

Mwanga and Torres – my favorite 63 minute time frame subs.  Mwanga tallied the assist, and Torres (who i was still cheering him coming on the field during the time) put it in the net.  By far the most favorite players next to Le Toux on this team, and rightfully so.  I’m glad Torres finally got his dues.

A better looking game than the previous 3, and an even better result (or bitter if you’re from NJ..i mean NY).  Now we look onto the team that is the proverbial soup bowl of the USA.

Seattle

Date- April 16th
Where – PPL Park
Time – 4 pm (just before the Flyers hockey game, not early enough)
TV – who knows due to flyers
Weather – Seattle-like

This is the battle of the fake coaches (@fakesigi vs @fakepeternowak).

Now, if it wasn’t for their record right now, WTL 1-2-2, I would say this would be a test similar to that of LA… but something is definitely off with this team so I would hope the result would be a win with at least 2 goals on our end (we’re due for that).  Their first WIN was this past weekend against Chicago, which if you look at it they always beat them.

Montero is still uncertain for the Sounders as of this writing due to his wrist injury, but he was cleared for training.  In my opinion, Keller is overrated, but that’s just my opinion.  For this season, I haven’t been able to catch a match with Seattle, but they are known to be a dangerous team, and the fact that Montero is (should be) sidelined should help us.  I think if Nowak keeps doing what he’s doing with a slight offensive tweak down one of the sides, and Mondragon keeps our D secure, we should have no problem with this game.  I predict another midfield battle (this seems to be a running theme) and it will definitely be a closer game than usual.

But I have been proven wrong before.

So bring your poncho on Saturday.

PS – Union Dues got a new writer known as Poor Spoertsman.  I think it’s worth a look.

-Dan