This is the weekly post were Nick and Dan morph into pathetic excuses for handicappers. Enjoy!
NY: Dan, since you have deferred picks to me this week, I’m going to take advantage and pluck all of the easy home winners. Not drawers. Winners.
DK: Yea, I have a shit ton to do and have to catch a train in 30 minutes. Thanks for picking the obvious ones… GFY (I’ll tell ya what that means later)
NY: Seattle v Houston. Seattle just wins at home. I’m convinced that Drew Carey put some magical contraption inside of the Space Needle and it causes lots of Seattlites to attend, and for opposing teams to not deal well with the field surface. If only Union could plant a similar device somewhere under the Commodore Barry Bridge… Seattle 2, Houston 0.
DK: My first pick for the week is New England vs Portland: I have no faith in New England, but I don’t think Portland is a good travel East team (much like the entire eastern conference is full of terrible travel teams, period). If you’re watching this, I’ll feel sorry for you, it’s probably bound to be a shitty game (although the weather really nice) – I pick a 0-0 tie.
NY: TFC v San Jose. San Jose flat-out stinks (hoping no one returns fire for me being a Union fan…ok…coast is clear). I know TFC is missing Torsten Frings. I hate that guy anyway, as I still haven’t forgiven any German international who was part of that 2002 World Cup team that eliminated the U.S. DAMN YOU OLIVER KAHN!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, wait, yeah, um… TFC holds serve at home 1-0, because, again, San Jose stinks.
DK: Vancouver vs DC: East can’t compete on the west. Vancouver (and Le Toux) will continue success at home with a nice win. 3-1 Vancouver with De Ro notching their only goal, and Le Toux getting a goal and assist.
NY: Columbus v Montreal: Two directions that my opinion of Montreal Impact in MLS can go. They played their home-opener last week in front of over 58,000 people and drew Chicago Fire 1-1. This says that either a) Chicago is very capable of handling greatly adverse conditions therefore Union should be worried about them when they play at home (yikes!!!), or b) Montreal is not ready for MLS league play yet because they couldn’t even get a win in front of all of those screaming, French-Canadian lunatics. I go with b) so Columbus wins at home 2-0.
DK: RBNY vs Colorado: We all hate red bull. Colorado didn’t show much promise against are decent, but mismatched union, but capitalized on our mistakes. Expect mistakes to run rampant on NY side. Colorado 1-0.
NY: Real Salt Lake v Chivas USA: Chivas = HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!! RSL ftw 4-1 (And that might be generous. I was nice and gave Chivas a goal)
DK: Gimme pick of the week (year). Chivas loses easily, 3-0 for RSL.
NY: Chicago v Union: As I alluded to in the Columbus/Montreal preview, the fact that Chicago went into Montreal and earned a draw in those conditions leads me to believe that they are playing plenty well enough to handle whatever lineup Nowak decides he will throw out there. However, based on the chances Union created during their match against Colorado, I’m encouraged that they’re finding their good form. However (again), they played a lot of that second half with Colorado’s Jeff Larentowicz red-carded. Lest we forget, Union conceded a goal in that time before they scored one. If you draw a team when you’re playing with one more player than they are, I can’t pick you to win against a full-strength side. Plus, if I remember correctly, Toyota Park is a relatively-narrow pitch, and Union never deal with those very well. Especially if Nowak plans on deploying is 3-5-2 again. On THAT field, those 5 midfielders will be stretched from sideline-to-sideline and almost standing next to each other. And then there’s this mess with Danny Califf…don’t even start…my head’s beginning to hurt… Chicago 1 Union 1.
DK: I give 2 weeks until Califf gets traded due to the bullshit going on. You never speak up against a coach, but you never speak up against a coach with an ego who expects you to already know what he’s thinking. The asshat. Anyway, I say experimentation in this weird lineup finds some success, but won’t overpower Chicago. I go with a tie 2-2. Now I have to catch a train.
NY-Seattle W over Houston, Toronto W over San Jose, Columbus W over Montreal, Real Salt Lake W over Chivas, and Chicago draw Union (1-1)
DK-New England draw Portland, Vancouver W over DC, Colorado W over New York, Real Salt Lake W over Chivas, and Chicago draw Union (2-2)
Bonus prediction!!!!!!!!!!! Dan has to catch a train, my guess is he catches that train, and because it’s SEPTA, catches something from said train. No preditiction on what though. We’re all probably better off not knowing. Enjoy the games!