Your fulfillment for your sweet tooth – Touchlines

What blogger / tweeter / skeeter hasn’t commented on this yet?  Sheanon Williams was outted by his girlfriend on twitter for missing his flight home from Colorado, with Keon Daniel and Danny Mwanga, because they stopped on the way to grab some candy.  Philly soccer page has even coined it “Candygate“.  Too easy to make a joke.

Me and my coblogger Nick have failed to put up many a post-game report because of procrastination and life getting in the way.  This time though?  We didn’t see the game.  Great work guys…

Speaking of great work, the CFU group of people are bringing CONCACAF to all it’s glory.  The pirates of the Caribbean are now being defiant to the ethics investigation that is being conducted on them concerning the Warner / Hammam money fest that I imagined happened similar in style with the Joker in the original Batman, can’t you just hear Prince and the Revolution?  But I digress….  Surely the best thing to do when you’re being conducted for breaking codes of ethics, is thumb your noses at the people who will be deciding you fate.  Tactful, they are not.

Henry Kissinger is relevant again!  Mumblemumblemumble

So I tried to write a touchlines type of article last week on my opinion of the FIFA ethics allegations, and CONCACAF’s complete misuse of all powers… but then I felt like Eric Lindros.  That wasn’t good. 

- If you didn’t know, President Warner is suspended due to the allegations brought up by the only American Exec Committee Member Chuck Blazer.  Acting president from caribbean Lisle Austin asks for explanation.  Blazer says “fuck off, you’re still being told what to do by Warner, I’m telling AGAIN”.  Austin says “Bullshit, you’re fired”.  Everyone else with REAL power in CONCACAF says “You can’t do that”.  Blazer says “Fuck that shit”.  Austin says “No really, you’re fired. I’m not listening to anything more now. LALALA”  Those same people again get together and ban Austin saying “You’re inept, fuck off”.  Austin says “You can’t do that” but does nothing.  Then Gold Cup happens.

- you see what i mean?

Connor Casey’s a douche.

The Gold Cup has started, and Ruiz has not produced once again for the team he is on while playing the full 90 minutes.  They did however tie the game while down 2 men… Coincidence?  Or drug cartels.  You decide.

Did this fill your sweet tooth? Or just leave you craving for more?

This has been a halfassed version of Touchlines.

Touch lines – Captain Jack will get you paid tonight

Welcome to your bribery alleged update of touchlines.  This time we’ll score twice as much.

“Uncle” Jack Warner has been dooped!  His vice president, or assitant, or however this oligarchy works, has brought forward allegations that Jack Warner, president of CONCACAF, had set up a meeting with other CONCACAF members with FIFA presidential candidate Bin Hammam (the guy who is responsible for Qatar in 2022) so that they can publicly bribe for votes behind closed doors for a whopping 40,000 USD.  If you want to secure votes from those who are pocketing over 6 figures from other bribes, make sure it’s more than an accountant’s starting salary.

Word has it (which by this posting is probably news) we have signed the 33 year old Serbian striker.  Next week we are going to be signing his bedside nurse.  She can do double time for Ruiz.

From the birthplace of soccer, Fulham have officially qualified for UEFA Europa league on Fair Play.  I wonder if I can get into the basketball all star game based off all of my “Good Sport” trophies I received when playing CYO.

The Gold Cup is around the corner, and NYRB lose more reasons for people not to come to the stadium.

In all seriousness, Juan Agudelo, Rafael Marquez, Tim Ream, and De Rosario are all called up for their respective National duties.  In looking at this, Nick and I forgot that Canada existed and both said “oh yea, damn canadian”.

Ruiz called up for international duty.  90% of Union fans rejoice.  Why?  Because our leading scorer is going to be gone.  It’s all in the stats.

On July 15th, the Inaugural River Cup will be played by the FO of the Philadelphia Union, and the SoBs of… well… the SoB’s.  Say what you will about the SoB’s, but nothing is finer than seeing a ginger in a kilt try to play soccer.

The trip to Toronto will show us exactly who can’t cross international borders… I’m looking at you Nakazawa.

Real Madrid is officially our “Big friendly at the Linc”.  Some people are happy, others are mad at the prices, where as, i’m laughing my ass off.  Why?  My girlfriend won’t get to see her ‘other’ “favorite” soccer player because she’ll be out of country.  She’s 0 for 2 for ‘soccer heart throbs’.  Schaudenfraud my friends.