Back to the grind – Touchlines

So, apparently Seattle also invented the work week – which prevented myself and Nick from making any posts during the past week and a half.  Lucky for us, we got the last laugh (with much sleep deprivation).

Thanks to the Philly Soccer Page for pointing out that Philebrity.com has a poll running for “Who to support now that the Phillies lost the playoffs, and the Eagles suck”.  Union are currently behind the Flyers 121 to 145.  There are 64 jackasses who voted “2 teams is enough” (Seriously, not knocking these guys – but who goes to philebrity dot com anyway!?  Who that is an average stereotype for an eagles fan on top of that?)  And feel free to view the results and feel sad for the 12 people who voted for the Sixers.

Telegraph.co.uk has an epic piece about the CFU / CONCACAF bribery scandal that happened in the Caribbean featuring star players Bin Hammam and Jack Warner.  The best part about this piece – it’s not a piece, but a video that proves every single person is guilty.  The best part about this?  Well, you have to see for yourself – especially since it’s from Jack Warner’s own mouth.  There’s various comedic jems in there.  Bill Archer has a blog that points out various comedic parts of the video, especially if you have been keeping score with the whole scandal.  Adam Sandler couldn’t make this shit up.

What’s sad, red, and doesn’t know what the fuck it’s doing?  Two possible answers in this (Pig latin: SMNTUlay, Orontotlay efflay eclay)…

Okay, maybe three.

Our last regular season home game is this Saturday – what does that mean?  The highway ramps next to the stadium are finally accessible.

Remember – They’re call girls when they’re alive.  When dead, they’re just hookers.

I apologize for touchlines this week not being as blatantly bad humor and more of a link to link piece – but I really feel like my brain’s in a coma from the past week… and I have to get it back in shape for the bearfights this week – it can only take so much damage you know.

Your fulfillment for your sweet tooth – Touchlines

What blogger / tweeter / skeeter hasn’t commented on this yet?  Sheanon Williams was outted by his girlfriend on twitter for missing his flight home from Colorado, with Keon Daniel and Danny Mwanga, because they stopped on the way to grab some candy.  Philly soccer page has even coined it “Candygate“.  Too easy to make a joke.

Me and my coblogger Nick have failed to put up many a post-game report because of procrastination and life getting in the way.  This time though?  We didn’t see the game.  Great work guys…

Speaking of great work, the CFU group of people are bringing CONCACAF to all it’s glory.  The pirates of the Caribbean are now being defiant to the ethics investigation that is being conducted on them concerning the Warner / Hammam money fest that I imagined happened similar in style with the Joker in the original Batman, can’t you just hear Prince and the Revolution?  But I digress….  Surely the best thing to do when you’re being conducted for breaking codes of ethics, is thumb your noses at the people who will be deciding you fate.  Tactful, they are not.

Henry Kissinger is relevant again!  Mumblemumblemumble

So I tried to write a touchlines type of article last week on my opinion of the FIFA ethics allegations, and CONCACAF’s complete misuse of all powers… but then I felt like Eric Lindros.  That wasn’t good. 

- If you didn’t know, President Warner is suspended due to the allegations brought up by the only American Exec Committee Member Chuck Blazer.  Acting president from caribbean Lisle Austin asks for explanation.  Blazer says “fuck off, you’re still being told what to do by Warner, I’m telling AGAIN”.  Austin says “Bullshit, you’re fired”.  Everyone else with REAL power in CONCACAF says “You can’t do that”.  Blazer says “Fuck that shit”.  Austin says “No really, you’re fired. I’m not listening to anything more now. LALALA”  Those same people again get together and ban Austin saying “You’re inept, fuck off”.  Austin says “You can’t do that” but does nothing.  Then Gold Cup happens.

- you see what i mean?

Connor Casey’s a douche.

The Gold Cup has started, and Ruiz has not produced once again for the team he is on while playing the full 90 minutes.  They did however tie the game while down 2 men… Coincidence?  Or drug cartels.  You decide.

Did this fill your sweet tooth? Or just leave you craving for more?

This has been a halfassed version of Touchlines.